Gifting, Strengths & Comfort Zones
Growing up in a culture where academic success was celebrated, I had never heard terms like gifting, strengths, or being wired a certain way. It would be much later in life that I would hear of personality tests like Strength Finders, Myers-Briggs, or the well-loved Enneagram.
I grew up being told that you studied hard in school and studied something in college to help you get a job and earn an income. It did not matter if you were not particularly gifted at something or a subject; you worked hard, grit, and midnight and did what was expected of you. At one point in life in the early nineties, everyone I know went to medical school or got an engineering degree. It did not matter whether math was a nightmare, or you fainted at the sight of blood. Being an engineer or doctor was the way to go, and it did bring about monetary success and some respect in your circles. I cringed for years when my parents would quietly tell people that their daughter was doing Bachelor's in English Literature, unlike everyone else in my generation. They were louder a few years later when I was doing an MBA! It just seemed like a much better degree compared to English! Not that it mattered when all I wanted to do was read Sylvia Plath, Austen, and R.K Narayan. I lived in different worlds where books would take me. Getting through classes on Marketing and HR just seemed tiresome to me. I much preferred discussing Poe or sitting through a reading of The Bell Jar.
The rebels paid no heed to the advice of parents, family, or well-meaning friends and chose paths of which they had always dreamt. Sometimes they got lucky and could make a career out of it; other times, it usually meant failure and the struggle to find a job and a source of income in adulthood.
Finding a gifted person was rare; when you came across them, they were usually genuinely gifted in intelligence and talent. One could see their skills and talents and how they used them.
Today, however, we use the word "gifted" or "gifting" differently. It is not always the person with a crazy high IQ or Doogie Howser (nineties reference). Instead, regular people are aware of their strengths and weaknesses and choose to study and work in places that allow them to be successful.
But I wonder, should we lean into roles that allow us to use our gifts and strengths, or should we be content if we are in positions that don't quite suit our personalities and strengths and use the time in those places to challenge and refine us?
Have personality and strength finder tests helped us or harmed us? Now, I don't deny that some are gifted in unique ways. For example, if someone gravitates towards the kitchen, the stove, and ingredients and is always eager to try new recipes, they may have the makings of a chef, although the journey toward a head chef can be long and arduous. They could also be a fantastic home cook, but their day job could be in accounting.
Being an accountant is not their gifting or their strength, but they might have to work at it hard simply because it pays the bill. Does one always need to find a job that fills them with joy? Can we find ways to work at roles that might seem mundane and counter personality if it can be a refining process?
Would we depend on God more if we were being challenged more versus being within our comfort zone? If our personality and gifting go hand in hand, should we settle and lean into them, or should we be open to trying new things to grow in areas where we might be weak?
I don't know and don't claim to have any answers. These are just my musings.
But I have seen over the years that more people want to work, volunteer, help their children find activities, or choose the right major in college by finding what suits their personality and strengths. Of course, everyone wants to use their strengths to their advantage, which is inherently not wrong.
But I have to ask myself, have we forgotten how to make lemonade out of lemons? Life sometimes does not send the perfect job, our child might not get the course of their choice, or we might need to volunteer to make endless cups of coffee while we might be much better suited to offer handshakes and greet people!
As a novice to Enneagrams and personality typing, It has been fascinating to understand how my personality works and why I behave the way I do. It's also been nice to know that other wonky people are out there like me! But I have survived the last 40-odd years without understanding my personality type. While there have been times I have struggled and felt misunderstood, it has also taught me to trust God while leaning into discomfort and growing out of my comfort zone. After all, our personalities change as we grow and mature.
Along with personality tests, we also have spiritual giftings. Should we lean into areas where we feel God might have blessed us, or should we try other areas of ministry which might be used as a tool of discipleship in our lives? Do we sometimes avoid the process of refining by staying in our comfort zone?
I have taken tests that helped determine where my spiritual gifts might be, and it has been good to be aware of them. However, I would argue that it might not be the healthiest option to figure out our spiritual gifting by ourselves. Doing it individualistically might not be as healthy as having someone point them out to us. On our own, we are often least suited to recognize God's gifting. We need our community to identify our giftings and encourage us with them.
Sometimes spiritual gifting also leads us to use them backward. For example, if we feel we do not have the gift of hospitality, we never consider having people over for a meal. We never sign up to volunteer if we think we are not gifted to serve in children's ministry. People often say, "oh, I could never do that! It is just not my gifting!"
We can feel justified by those choices if we feel our gifting lies elsewhere. But I would argue that staying in our comfort zone is confining. It does not allow us the opportunity to stretch and grow. We need to be able to do hard things and work or serve in areas where we are not exceptionally gifted. By doing so and trusting in God through the process, He can expand us beyond what we ever imagined. It does call for radical faith and trust, but isn't that what we are all called to?
God has gifted us in specific ways, and we need to use those skills for His glory. But it takes introspection, spiritual maturity, and time to find the right intersection. Ability, affinity, and affirmation must meet at the right place.
We may be called to minister, serve or work in areas that are out of our comfort zone for seasons in life, but those could be seasons of refining. We need to be willing to go through those to learn radical faith and trust in God. We do ourselves and others a disservice if we only work in areas where we feel called, gifted, or qualified.
It is good to be aware of our strengths and also know what areas freak us out. We also instinctively know what is satisfying to us. Sometimes we go through experiences in life that add to our gifting so that we can serve others well. For example, all my life, I have been timid and retiring. I am never the one who puts herself out there in a group. But moving to another country and being in social situations where I have had to force myself out of my comfort zone has taught me inner strength and confidence. So, when I see new people, I often lean in and engage them. It does not always come naturally, but the more I have tried, the easier it becomes. Today, people would say it's one of my strengths, but it has not been one I was born with. It is an acquired one.
And we also need people to tell us where we are uniquely qualified. Unfortunately, not all of us are very good at discerning our gifts. So, we need the power of the Holy Spirit and community. We need people around us who can tell us whether we are on the right path or the wrong one! Yes, we need godly people to encourage us when we are struggling and help us thrive where we might be planted.
It is better to develop a service pattern than find areas for our giftings. When we serve from our hearts, our natural gifts will manifest. Service allows us the space to bloom and flourish. We just need to be open to it. It can be uncomfortable, but when we lean into it, trusting God, He will give us the strength to keep moving forward. And it does not matter if it takes years to figure them out. God steers the ships; we just need to start rowing.