I deleted Instagram & am going through withdrawal
Musings from a week of detoxing from the Insta world
It’s been a week since I removed Instagram from my phone—well, a week if you don’t count the two hours I put it back on the day after I removed it!
I have done social media fasts many times before. This is not my first and surely will not be my last, but this one oddly feels slightly different.
I am realizing for the first time how engaged I am on social media, and that is making me doubt whether taking it away from me is healthy or even smart.
I still have Facebook, but I do not use it much. I am not a massive user of Twitter/X and don’t have accounts with any of the other platforms. One of the main reasons I decided to take a break from social media or Instagram, in particular, was because I found myself spending insane amounts of time on Reels; whether it was watching cute dogs, babies, Friends, or Modern Family, I could stand at the kitchen counter watching one reel, and before I knew it, it would have been half an hour.
I also began to think of my life in Instagram frames. Everything that happened around me, everything I did and participated in, I wanted to share in a little square or on Stories. I also wasted a lot of time watching other people live their lives, and I did come away from that feeling great about myself.
But if you think I am here to blame Instagram or other forms of social media, don’t be too hasty to judge. I cannot honestly blame the platforms without realizing how much I contribute to them as well.
I have taken breaks or fasts from social media multiple times over the last decade, Often giving it up for Lent or during vacations. It has always helped me focus on life in front of me. But this time around, it was different. Usually, there is a day or two of withdrawal, as with all addictions, and yes, I for sure am addicted! Living in denial has never helped!
But over the last few years, I have not just used Instagram or X for connections or staying in touch. I understand many use social media for that, and my hats off to them if they have figured out the balance between connecting with people & actually engaging with those online. I also applaud those who have curated their social media feeds to people they know, like, are like, think like, and have the same values. Call it a community or an echo chamber - either way, it probably is better for your mental health and anxiety levels.
I have used social media for engagement. I like hard conversations and connections, and even online,I work to engage with people.
I have found unfollowing people terribly hard. I feel guilty when I unfollow someone, almost like a betrayal of friendship, but I know that not everyone online is a friend. Some can be acquaintances or connections from long ago; perhaps one does not need to stay connected with everyone from two decades ago.
As my engagement online has increased, so has the challenge of getting disconnected. I have FOMO. I love the dopamine hits from people watching my reel, liking a post, and following me! It makes me feel validated, valued, and appreciated. I also do not like it when no one comments on my post.
Hey, I want engagement if I post something pithy, fun, or even intelligent. I crave it, and it makes me feel so good. I have often noticed people don’t comment on the weekends. Perhaps they are not online and enjoying embodied time with their loved ones, so I have not posted over the weekends. I choose Mondays or even the middle of the week when we find ourselves in the grocery or take-out line scrolling as we wait for our food!
Then, I hate myself for feeling this way. It sets me off on a toxic thought pattern where I question my lack of self-control and maturity.
As a writer, I like it when people engage. As a human, I want validation from my followers to enjoy my work, pictures, and thoughts. I also find it hard to believe when people say they don’t care. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe there are folk who don’t care how others engage in their posts but call me a skeptic or someone with a suspicious mind.
So, this week has been challenging. Staying off Instagram has been really hard. I have been reading Jonathan Haidt’s new book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. While nearly all his research pertains to children and students, I would argue that a lot of it is relevant to adults as well.
Social Media definitely causes anxiety in average, mentally healthy human adults who have fully developed frontal cortexes. Some of us are just more aware of it than others.
So, being one week in, you would think I am doing well, but I am not. I have plenty of time this week & weekend in embodied relationships, community meals, laughter, jokes, and hugs, and I am still thinking in Instagram squares, hashtags & tags! I do not know what my friends have been doing the last week. I am OK with that to a large extent, but I am still wondering. What have I missed out?
I wrote more in the last week than in the previous month. I have watched less television, read more, and researched more, yet I still feel lost out on something. Simply because a certain amount of noise in my head has switched off. I have not followed the influencers I genuinely enjoy and support because I am not keeping up with what everyone else is doing. I also won’t be able to catch up with them because Insta Stories vanish in 24 hours.
And I keep wondering, was taking a break worth it? Will people remember me? Will Instagram care that I have not been active? Is my platform going to disappear?
And as someone who shares all her writing on social media, how will people know where to find me on this Substack? How will I be able to share my writing? Will others share my work and tag me? If I vanish completely, will those who claim to be my followers even reach out to see if I am still around?
I do not have any of the answers. I wonder. So, I am still on a break. I may come back in a short while, or I might take longer. I do not know. Perhaps taking time away gives me more words to pursue the arts and experiences I delight in.
Maybe it will just help me stop scrolling at the kitchen counter while the food burns on the stovetop and or help me not run late for an appointment because I really really need to finish listening to an influencer tell me how to make yet another fantastic protein shake!
And I continue to wonder - who is actually reading this if I am not engaging online?
Books I am reading this month :
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks
Pink Lemonade Cake Murder by Joanne Fluke
I recently was accepted into a writers’ cohort with Missio Alliance, and I am very excited to start this journey with this fantastic group of people under some exceptional leadership!
The vision of the Missio Alliance Writing Fellows Cohort is to create a brave space for historically marginalized voices within the Church to develop, mature, and flourish as writers exploring their vocational callings within this cultural moment.
Photo by Souvik Banerjee on Unsplash
Photo by Alexander Shatov on Unsplash
I bet a lot of us can relate to that inner struggle of wanting to reconnect, but also feeling hesitant about diving back in. Social media can be an idol as it takes up a lot of time, whether you're using it for personal or professional purposes. Beware of looking at social media for validation. Once you establish a pattern that works for you; others will hop on the bus. It just takes time.