Renovations within and without

Musings on the parallel journeys of home and heart.

Over the last few weeks, we have been renovating our home. From painting, repairing broken doors, fixing new handles, locks, and glass, and tuning air conditioners, it has been a revolving door for contractors and workers, and the smell of paint and the constant dust still linger in our house.

I constantly find chips of drywall, an odd nail, or fine layers of dust on multiple surfaces. I carry a Swiffer and a wet towel around the house all the time. The need to clean and tidy up is never-ending. While getting all this work done is frustrating and moves at its own pace, I have no one to blame but myself. I wanted the change. I wanted a fresh coat of paint. I wanted to improve the appearance of our home. I could have lived with the old paint and the cracks in the ceiling, but I wanted the change. Renovation would be easy if our house was empty and we lived somewhere else, but we lived in the home through this process. So, I have also been living in clutter. Things are not where they are supposed to be. My coffee maker is on the dining table, and the dining table is near the front door. I don’t know where the sandwich bags are, and I am running out of plastic spoons. I cannot use the washing machine; the refrigerator is sticky and dusty. My rhythm of life has changed, and it frustrates me. Things are not how they ought to be, making me feel unmoored.

But this renovation reflects what is happening inside my heart and my life. Renovating a home mirrors the journey of transformation and emotional reflection. Facing an unfamiliar rhythm forced me to contend with my heart and spend some time in reflection.

Before we start any major work on our home, we usually take stock of what needs to be done. We plan designs and layouts, choose paint colors, and talk to contractors, painters, and electricians. We figure out a plan for the entire project. More than that, we also identify areas that are weak and need structure, and we acknowledge the repairs that need to happen. Similarly, emotional renewal starts with honest self-reflection and acknowledging the emotional wounds we might be carrying.

During this construction period, I was annoyed at all the extra work that needed to be done. While I knew I was driving all this change, I was angry because we had to live in the clutter and paint fumes. I was exhausted and knew that more work would come once the project was done. I found myself swinging between the extremes of gratefulness and annoyance. I was grateful that we could get the job done and afford it, and I was annoyed because it inconvenienced me.

Doing the Prayer of Examen every night was a good reminder to confess my sins before God. I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me instead of the self-condemnation pattern I was falling into. I needed the Spirit to remind me that God is a good Father, and while the renovation process was painful, the result would be worth it. I saw the ugly side of things, but beauty was around the corner. I just needed to be patient. Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Confessing my heart attitude during that time was a much-needed practice for my soul.

Physical renovation requires tearing down old structures before rebuilding. In the same way, emotional renovation requires letting go of old patterns of thinking, beliefs, and resentment. If we are a new creation in Christ, the old has gone, the new is here. 2 Corinthians 5:17.

During this process, I also thought a lot about patience. I was not able to control the schedule. Things moved at their own pace, and some unexpected expenses and certain things could not be fixed. We had to accept those changes and deal with them. In the same way, our emotional healing does not run on a schedule. It can take time, often years, but we must keep doing the work and turning our eyes back to God. He is our goal and constant, and if we set our minds on Him, He will guide us.

Of course, I cannot call “renovating my home” suffering, but in life, when stress, tension, and suffering come, we want to make it go away. We do not want to feel pain of any sort, even if we know that it might be a form of refining in certain seasons. The tension and resistance make us emotionally healthy and spiritually stronger. In his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Pete Scazerro writes, “Emotional health and spiritual maturity are inseparable. It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Be willing to tolerate the discomfort necessary for growth.”

God’s timing and process are perfect for us, even though they might be mysterious. Our human nature seeks control and understanding while He calls us to surrender. So, let us use the seasons of renovating our hearts as seasons of refinement and preparation because one day, the culmination will come, and then we will see the beauty of the masterpiece He has created: us! We will not see the brokenness, pain, and destruction, and they will but be a memory. God is the initiator and completer of our renovation. Philippians 1:6 says, “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He will sustain us in the journey, and His divine craftsmanship will be revealed in the end. All we need to do is surrender and trust His process.

So, did I finally embrace all the chaos surrounding my life? I did, to an extent. It was painful to find order at the end, but tremendous beauty has emerged. We are still not entirely done with the renovation ( literally), but it has been a valuable lesson in this season of life. I am learning to tolerate and embrace the discomfort needed for my growth.

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Scazzero, Peter. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature. United States: Zondervan, 2014.

Photo by Ravi Sharma on Unsplash