So what are your plans after seminary?

Musings of someone who graduated and has no idea what she is doing.

On a hot summer's day in July 2016, a friend and I found ourselves in the parking lot of a seminary. We were both there for Preview Day; well, to be accurate, she tagged along to give me moral support. I am sure I would not have gone if she had not agreed to come. I don't like driving 30 miles for a free lunch!

We spent about 2 hours on Preview Day, getting all the information I needed, and meeting some famous and familiar faces. Then in the evening, I sat at my kitchen table, pouring over the brochures, convincing myself that this was my next step when I thought I was just having a midlife crisis!

At nearly 39, with self-sufficient children who needed me to play chauffeur and chef, I had never been particularly ambitious. Having never worked full time apart from a short stint in 2005, most of my so-called "career" was in part-time jobs as substitute teachers and working an MLM business. Nothing had ever stuck.

I still remember a part-time job in 2003 back in India- I was a dialect/language trainer. My job was to help up-and-coming customer support trainees perfect their spoken English accents. I loved it! Getting to interact with young adult students and teaching them spoken English was a dream job. Had we continued in India, it might have stuck. But moving to another continent set me on a different path.

Going to seminary was never a dream. A midlife crisis had been exacerbated by a sense of losing purpose in my life. I had been a stay-at-home mother for most of my adult life, and during that period, unsure of how to spend my time, a friend invited me to Bible study at a local church. It was an easy decision because they provided free childcare. The first semester turned into a decade of learning more about God, studying the Bible, and building relationships.

Women teachers who were seminary trained surrounded me and learning from them excited me. I could feel their passion for God in studying His word, and I wanted the same thing! I wanted more theological knowledge and awareness of how to study the Bible. Attending a Bible study was no longer sufficient, and I wanted to dig deeper and be challenged.

So, I found myself on preview day, coming home with a bunch of papers and catalogs, trying to decipher if this was something I could aspire for. I knew it would be financially steep, and I also knew that the workload would increase between being a wife and a mother. I was way past the years of reading non-fiction and writing papers, but I was also excited to try this.

A wise friend and future professor told me the same week as preview day, just dip your toes in the water and see how you feel. And that's what I did. Fast forward four years, I graduated via YouTube with a seminary degree. I would have disagreed if you had told me that I would have lasted the entire journey. The journey was challenging, and there were many days when I just wanted to quit. My children were in their teens, and being a parent took up all my effort and brain power. Reading systematic theology, writing papers, and making charts at 11 pm was not what I wanted to do. It was like walking a tightrope with no safety net. I knew I wanted to keep moving forward because I was enjoying the journey, but I also feared that if I quit, I would feel like a failure.

As far as I knew, girls like me did not go to seminary. Girls like me worked in corporate America and brought home an income. So, when people around me outside and from within the seminary walls asked, "what are your plans after graduation?" I had no answer. I had no answer then, and I do not have an answer now.

I usually responded, "I don't know; I am studying to improve my knowledge and get a deeper understanding of God and the Bible." I complained to my husband every time someone asked me this question. I hated it because, directly or indirectly, they were asking me whether or not I would get a job after seminary. That is a practical question. I was shelling out a significant amount on this degree and, of course, a lot of time. I knew those asking me meant well. In the Indian church and the community, I grew up in, those who chose a seminary education pastored a church or started a ministry. But life in the American church seemed different. Graduating from seminary often led to churches, teachers, preachers, discipleship leaders, and even ministry coordinators. In addition, seminaries have pastoral residents' roles or internships, often leading to jobs in churches. Now my degree did not require a residency or an internship, so moving into a position in a church was more complicated.

My other option was to build my brand. I could start curating my social media feeds and start creating content. As an Indian immigrant to the United States, my story is unique. I filtered everything I studied through the cultural lens of my faith. As a result, I had a unique perspective of faith and culture, which I wanted to share with others.

But I needed to stop and ask myself some hard questions, did I want to serve God and His people through vocational ministry, which may or may not bring in an income, or should I look for a full-time position at a church or para-church ministry?

Was I ready to create content for social media? Should I be sharing snippets of my daily life? Maybe I should be writing a Bible study? I was told I should start doing an online daily devotional. Online devotionals are lovely, and I listen to a few regularly, but as wonderful as they are, there is only so much each of us can contribute to Bible exposition and hermeneutics. There are plenty of devotionals out there by many wise people. Did I need to add to them? Wouldn't I just be another voice in the hundreds that already exist? We have so much content online today; 24 hours are not sufficient to consume all that! What value could I possibly add to the world by creating more content? I do not know the answers. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to content creation. Maybe all we need is 48 hours in a day.

I enjoy teaching. I am not a great teacher, but I am learning and growing. Plus, I enjoy the process of researching and writing a sermon. So I have jumped at every opportunity that has come my way since graduation. But they have not been many. It is hard to find your niche in Christian ministry. In today's world, if you do not have a brand, are not creating content, or are not affiliated with an existing ministry, platform, or podcast, this Christian "career" journey/pathway ( whatever you call it)is much more complicated than it looks.

I applaud every church that has women pastors and teachers! Women have a voice and are gifted to serve the church. Women must champion other women and encourage them to serve and lead the community! I have been fortunate to know male pastors and leaders who support and cheerlead their sisters in Christ. But there are only so many roles in the church that either men or women can fill. Not everyone gifted, talented, and equipped can serve that way. I mean, how big can a church's teaching team be?

I have heard from some of my seminary classmates who have left their churches to join other small congregations to get a leadership role to use what they have studied. Their existing church already had a thriving women's ministry where they had no position. Those are very challenging decisions to make. Some of you reading this might think I sound bitter or resentful. I am none of those. If any, I am confused.

I went into higher education wanting to learn more, and I did.

But I would love to use my education to encourage others to think about God, learn to live a contemplative life, learn how to study the Bible, and work with a community of other women. So, I don't view it as a career, employment, academia, or even a pastoral role. Financial compensation is also not something I am looking for.

But teaching, preaching, writing, parachurch serving? Yes! There is great joy in a community where we can talk about spiritual things and encourage others.

Again, not that I cannot do that. I have been so blessed by being in Bible studies and small groups. But I would love to be in some form of a vocational role which I trained for.  

Employment would be great but finding it is challenging. I have spent the last two years realizing that my role might only be as a ministry to the people in my life, and I might just have to find contentment and rest in that.

Some of the best ministry I have had the privilege of engaging in has been at the kitchen table with our teenage children. Conversations about faith, culture, and community and listening to them talk and share their experiences with me have been a blessing. As a couple, my husband and I have also engaged with our college-aged son's friends. When they come home and sit around our dining table, and we can listen to them and help them think about their faith, and why they believe what they believe, it makes me realize I might not have a "job" at a church or para-church ministry, but this is what I trained to do. It is about loving God and people well. It is about hope. It is about the Gospel.

I will also say that if God is pressing on your heart to go towards training and becoming equipped for ministry, then we should listen to that prompting. But if we are going towards the training with employment in mind, we should consider our motives. People go back to school for many reasons and get trained for many jobs and careers.

Ministry training is, however, rooted in our discipleship journey with Christ. We invest more than time and money; our hearts and minds are being changed, and we impact people. The journey is challenging, but the return is priceless if we can make an impact on those around us.

So, I don't mind the questions much anymore. I don't have a job in a church or a para-church ministry, or at least a role that is compensated for payment. But I have opportunities to serve, volunteer, and have deep conversations about theology, discipleship, and formation, to embrace the vocational ministry that ebbs and flows. I have discovered that writing does not require one to be employed, so it's been interesting to work on this craft and hone it.

I write because it's an act of service. Perhaps what is written could be a source of encouragement to others, and I write because it is such an intimate art. Writing is soul-searching work, and one often needs to expose parts of your soul that you usually might keep hidden. But by allowing the Holy Spirit to work in you and helping give words to emotions, writing is often cathartic, so for now, I write.

I don't know what the future holds. Life is full of surprises, good and bad. Navigating life after seminary has taught me to live in the place of in-between. I can delight when publications accept my written submissions while simultaneously dealing with rejection.

It is a process of refining and pruning my character and accepting my complete and utter dependence on God.

Living in this in-between space where I continue to read, learn and engage in vocational ministry has taught me I don't need to fit my seminary education into an employment box. I don't need to define it with a designation or a role. Instead, I am called to be obedient to God in using the skills and education I have received to serve people and love them well. He has only asked me to trust and obey Him; in everything I do, that needs to be the mantra I follow.

It is not an easy choice. Its hard, frustrating, complicated and there are days when I struggled with envy, jealously and resentment. I am human and these emotions are normal. But I process them through prayer and journaling and remind myself to be happy for those who have gone before me paving the path for me. Some days are good, others not so much. But I am thankful for those in my life who encourage me, pray for me and cheer me on. I am thankful for my family who love me no matter what. To them, Im the best!

Through this process and on this journey, I am constantly reminded that God ultimately holds my future. It might never look like what I have wanted it to be.I just have to be patient and trust Him. It’s hard to admit to myself that in many ways I am seeking relevance, the respect and validation of others. But He wants me to surrender all and just rest in Him.

So, that is what I will do and practice doing.

“Stop wondering around. Instead come home and trust that God will bring you what you need; For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self made props and trust that God is enough for you…the root choice is always trust at all times that God is with you and will give you what you most need.” Henri Nouwen