You know, even with all these tough situations, I truly believe there's hope for the church. It's all about trusting in God's love that never fades and holding onto the possibility of healing and restoration, even when we're dealing with all these messy church dynamics.
Beautifully said, thank you for sharing this. If I may push back a little from the end--and I don't think you'll disagree with this--but there is a difference between being a part of a church and being a part of the people of God who have received mercy. As you've alluded to in several places, being a part of a church can feel like a business and, in fact, it IS a business a separate organisation that exists symbiotically with the people of God; sometimes helpful and yet most times sucking the soul out of the fellowship. I have read and listened to many accounts like your own who have echoed these same themes and have made it the soul of my writing to dig for deeper answers to these issues. I would be honoured if you would stop by and give your input--but the main reason for my commenting is that I want you to know that I have been where you are and God's people exist and thrive outside of these institutions.
Hello Daniel, thank you for taking the time to read and respond. Appreciate that! You are correct in that there is a difference between being a part of the church & a part of the people of God receiving mercy every day anew. I will say - from my experiences of being in churches all through my life - I have found the American evangelical church is truly unique! I don't actually think we have done ourselves any favours by walking away from denominational chuches ( although I am well aware of the many cycles of abuse perpetrated by denominations). By turning "church" into a corporate of sorts - with huge staff, leadership levels, inner circles and very limited accountability to the Lay we have brought a lot of this pain on ourselves. The platforming of churches - the professional way we run our music team, worship, ministries etc all have taken away the organic ebb and flow of what Christ intended church to be. If we are all meant to be gathering in homes, sharing meals, sharing lives, sharing things/worldly goods with one another - the American church is not the reflection of that. Even in mid size churches where there is good work being done, missions being served and people working hard at community- something in the American society and culture is broken. People continue to place their hope and trust in pastors & staff and that is a reflection of society. We trust the wrong people and walking alongside each other in small communities seems to be a lost art form. I am seeing a new movement of home churches/small group churchs growing. People are moving to a more organic, small group format of community building where there is a lot of building up of each other, an opportunity for everyone to grow and less platforming. Only then can we overcome the struggles the church is facing. We can have intentional community with people fro diverse backgrounds , better conversations surrounding racial reconciliation, knowledge and awareness of the problems people face. You are absolutely right in that God's people exist and thrive outside these institutions - but I also want to encourage those who have been hurt by the church to get the help they need, take a step away from self-pity ( even if it sounds harsh) and step out boldly setting their eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of our faith!
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. You're speaking my language.
There are abuses that are particular to the Church in the US but those abuses stem from deeper theological issues of our identity in Christ and how that plays out in Church polity and practice. Self-pity aside, many choose not to return to organised religion because they have become convinced that the seeds of what make big churches so volatile are still found in small churches and yes, even in house churches; in clergy centred polities as well as congregation centred polities.
The existence of spiritual abuse means that there are spiritual rights to be abused but ask anyone what their spiritual rights are in Christ and they have no idea. So, for those of us working the problem, until there is a clear answer for what Spiritual Rights exist and how they are abused, organised religion is not a safe environment for the people of God. It's not a tweaking kind of problem, it's a pack your bags and head out west problem. These are the problems I have been working through, and I have a start of an answer to these things, but it takes more than one perspective.
Sherene, I resonate with so much you offered up here. We are in that unsettling place of in between churches. Having experienced what we did, we know what type of church culture we are seeking and types of questions to ask. I am in the journey of introspection you mentioned. As painful as leaving was, I am thankful for the way God meets me here and has brought awareness to past traumas and am now in process of healing. So many stories of church hurt have appeared in my spheres lately. Hopefully the number of voices will be a catalyst for effecting change within common unhealthy patterns within.
I am sorry that your family is also on this journey. It is such a complicated place to be in. I really appreciated with Malcolm Foley shared on how we as Christ followers dont have the luxury of hopelessness. It reminded me that my hope is not in people but in Christ. Some of the questions I asked myself before we left were - do I have any influence or area to contribute in this church and/or has my heart become very hard? Those questions really helped narrow my feelings and thoughts to process it. I hope you guys can navigate this season well and make the best choice for your family.
I appreciate your insights and this quote: "Malcolm Foley of Baylor University says, “as people who believe in the death and resurrection of Christ we do not have the luxury of being hopeless.”
thank you Dorothy. It was an almost "out of body experience"- I am grateful for the pandemic which allowed me the luxury of doing the hard soul searching work in obscurity.
There's a book by William D. Hendricks titled Exit Interviews, where he interviewed a number of people who have left their church and why they left. He cited a survey which showed that for those who left a church, not one person was ever contacted by their former church members. It's so disheartening! It is a painful experience, and it is very difficult to move on to another church. God bless you!
thank you for sharing! Will have to look it up. I do believe all churches should have someone on their staff follow up with the person who leaves. It helps with closure, understanding and just plain kindness. Honestly my experience was not as bad as many others. We did leave on good terms with everyone - its just that our friends never asked us why:) we were the ones telling people who cared to listen. But I know so many others have experienced deep church hurt and I hope they can find the peace they are seeking.
Thank you for being so honest in this piece, I appreciate you sharing about your experience and the wisdom you've gained through it. Bless you
Thank you friend. You are most encouraging!
You know, even with all these tough situations, I truly believe there's hope for the church. It's all about trusting in God's love that never fades and holding onto the possibility of healing and restoration, even when we're dealing with all these messy church dynamics.
Yes and Amen! So much hope for the church.
Beautifully said, thank you for sharing this. If I may push back a little from the end--and I don't think you'll disagree with this--but there is a difference between being a part of a church and being a part of the people of God who have received mercy. As you've alluded to in several places, being a part of a church can feel like a business and, in fact, it IS a business a separate organisation that exists symbiotically with the people of God; sometimes helpful and yet most times sucking the soul out of the fellowship. I have read and listened to many accounts like your own who have echoed these same themes and have made it the soul of my writing to dig for deeper answers to these issues. I would be honoured if you would stop by and give your input--but the main reason for my commenting is that I want you to know that I have been where you are and God's people exist and thrive outside of these institutions.
Hello Daniel, thank you for taking the time to read and respond. Appreciate that! You are correct in that there is a difference between being a part of the church & a part of the people of God receiving mercy every day anew. I will say - from my experiences of being in churches all through my life - I have found the American evangelical church is truly unique! I don't actually think we have done ourselves any favours by walking away from denominational chuches ( although I am well aware of the many cycles of abuse perpetrated by denominations). By turning "church" into a corporate of sorts - with huge staff, leadership levels, inner circles and very limited accountability to the Lay we have brought a lot of this pain on ourselves. The platforming of churches - the professional way we run our music team, worship, ministries etc all have taken away the organic ebb and flow of what Christ intended church to be. If we are all meant to be gathering in homes, sharing meals, sharing lives, sharing things/worldly goods with one another - the American church is not the reflection of that. Even in mid size churches where there is good work being done, missions being served and people working hard at community- something in the American society and culture is broken. People continue to place their hope and trust in pastors & staff and that is a reflection of society. We trust the wrong people and walking alongside each other in small communities seems to be a lost art form. I am seeing a new movement of home churches/small group churchs growing. People are moving to a more organic, small group format of community building where there is a lot of building up of each other, an opportunity for everyone to grow and less platforming. Only then can we overcome the struggles the church is facing. We can have intentional community with people fro diverse backgrounds , better conversations surrounding racial reconciliation, knowledge and awareness of the problems people face. You are absolutely right in that God's people exist and thrive outside these institutions - but I also want to encourage those who have been hurt by the church to get the help they need, take a step away from self-pity ( even if it sounds harsh) and step out boldly setting their eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of our faith!
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. You're speaking my language.
There are abuses that are particular to the Church in the US but those abuses stem from deeper theological issues of our identity in Christ and how that plays out in Church polity and practice. Self-pity aside, many choose not to return to organised religion because they have become convinced that the seeds of what make big churches so volatile are still found in small churches and yes, even in house churches; in clergy centred polities as well as congregation centred polities.
The existence of spiritual abuse means that there are spiritual rights to be abused but ask anyone what their spiritual rights are in Christ and they have no idea. So, for those of us working the problem, until there is a clear answer for what Spiritual Rights exist and how they are abused, organised religion is not a safe environment for the people of God. It's not a tweaking kind of problem, it's a pack your bags and head out west problem. These are the problems I have been working through, and I have a start of an answer to these things, but it takes more than one perspective.
Sherene, I resonate with so much you offered up here. We are in that unsettling place of in between churches. Having experienced what we did, we know what type of church culture we are seeking and types of questions to ask. I am in the journey of introspection you mentioned. As painful as leaving was, I am thankful for the way God meets me here and has brought awareness to past traumas and am now in process of healing. So many stories of church hurt have appeared in my spheres lately. Hopefully the number of voices will be a catalyst for effecting change within common unhealthy patterns within.
I am sorry that your family is also on this journey. It is such a complicated place to be in. I really appreciated with Malcolm Foley shared on how we as Christ followers dont have the luxury of hopelessness. It reminded me that my hope is not in people but in Christ. Some of the questions I asked myself before we left were - do I have any influence or area to contribute in this church and/or has my heart become very hard? Those questions really helped narrow my feelings and thoughts to process it. I hope you guys can navigate this season well and make the best choice for your family.
I'm sorry. This sounds super painful.
I appreciate your insights and this quote: "Malcolm Foley of Baylor University says, “as people who believe in the death and resurrection of Christ we do not have the luxury of being hopeless.”
thank you Dorothy. It was an almost "out of body experience"- I am grateful for the pandemic which allowed me the luxury of doing the hard soul searching work in obscurity.
There's a book by William D. Hendricks titled Exit Interviews, where he interviewed a number of people who have left their church and why they left. He cited a survey which showed that for those who left a church, not one person was ever contacted by their former church members. It's so disheartening! It is a painful experience, and it is very difficult to move on to another church. God bless you!
thank you for sharing! Will have to look it up. I do believe all churches should have someone on their staff follow up with the person who leaves. It helps with closure, understanding and just plain kindness. Honestly my experience was not as bad as many others. We did leave on good terms with everyone - its just that our friends never asked us why:) we were the ones telling people who cared to listen. But I know so many others have experienced deep church hurt and I hope they can find the peace they are seeking.
Such a good read, and I wish more folks took time to ask why folks leave and be willing to have and receive the dialogue.
Thank you for sharing. This is my life right now. I am hopeful.